"Would you do it all over again?"

...the interviewer asked, as a concluding question of a 45-minute interview in front of a group of students, international workers, and leaders.

The interview had been surprisingly good up until this point, despite probing questions and brutally honest answers about the realities of living overseas in less-than-secure contexts. In answering these questions, we had relived our three-year history: the joys of teaching, challenges of travel, depressing realities of gender roles abroad, belligerent colleagues, daily strains of paranoia under Watchful Eyes, beautiful friendships, exciting music concerts and performances, nostalgia for home, inspiring visions, feelings of failure, and the final moments of fleeing. We were ragged after 45- minutes worth of sharing. Visceral emotions found release again and were on display - like a spectacle...and we had agreed to it!

And then the final question. It echoed to a new depth in my being, and I began to weigh an honest answer. Was it really worth it? To be pushed to extremes? Living in the blurred middle of "success" and "failure"? Giving life and limb for the mystery? Working to establish "home" for years and leaving it in days? Finding ourselves on the periphery of life in our own country? Was it really worth it?

The answer came out without a final consideration.

"Yes."

You'd Never Guess...

The status of our "home" has been part of the loss we've felt over the months. A few weeks ago we heard that all the cars parked at our school (for safety) had definitely been taken by the regime forces for use in the war.

It was sad to hear the report despite the understandable and even inevitable consequences in times of war. The best case for which I was hoping was that someone would pry open the petrol tank and steal the petrol early on - and that thus no one would later be able to drive it off. Often I amused myself by scanning the news reports to see if I could spot a revolutionary driving off to the front lines in our little silver hatch back.

But - BUT, we just received an email in which it appears that our car is still parked at the school. In fact, it is now THE ONLY car still at the school because when "they" tried to take it, it wouldn't start. If we were more aware before we left in the rush of the evacuation, I would have disconnected the battery, or maybe removed it altogether, or any number of deterrent activities. But the reality was we were so harried and just trying to get out that these little details fell by the wayside. Despite this, our little auto managed not to work at just the right time.

Yes, we are giddy with the news it is still in that parking lot. It's probably symbolic. The car is the most expensive asset we left, but not the most memorable and not the one we'd be most sad to lose.

Our colleague noted how "lucky" we are. If you know us, you can probably guess that we don't feel lucky! But, we do feel like we've received a little present of grace. It's not something that we were owed. We escaped with our lives, our marriage, our sanity. To have our car (at least for now), is a small gift of love we see from the One who led us out of danger in miraculous ways. And tonight we feel very loved about a small detail of life.

Not So Lazy Sunday Afternoon

CNN on TV; Al Jazeera live-stream on the computer; Al Jazeera Live Blog; BBC video reports, multiple Twitter feeds; Reuters on-line, YouTube clips and Skype calls.

All is still well with our friends; my best friend even sustained a grenade thrown into her courtyard with no injuries to her family.

I'm now disassembling the IV line feeding the news directly into my bloodstream. Over and out.

August 22

Our friends are out on the streets celebrating - crying, laughing, cheering. Their neighborhoods have been liberated. It does seem like a definitive end is in sight...

It's a new beginning. There are questions about what tomorrow will be like, but for today there is relief and thanksgiving.

The End?

Things are heating up for our friends and we are concerned. We've still been able to contact friends by phone and are glad to have heard their voices today.

They are asking all of us to pray. And it's all we can do.