I attended my first groom-sponsored wedding. It was quite a different experience than being with brides' families. I participated in three days of the event:
Day #1
I went in the afternoon and ate lunch with the old women of the family, each of whom were missing more teeth than they had. This was a powerful grouping of all the aunties and grandmothers. There were two big tents sent up in the street outside, one for the women, and the other for men. Later we sat around the perimeter on wide cushions, eating snacks, dancing in the middle, and just being together. I helped to apply tuna to the mini-pizzas the family bought to serve.
Day #2
I missed the large-scale feast because I was teaching. The night before I noticed laundry baskets full of soaking chickpeas for humus, bushels of potatoes, and cases of cokes. That night I attended another evening party. This time a display of gifts from the groom’s family to the bride took center stage in the tent. I was asked to photograph the display since I had a digital camera.
After waiting for three hours, listing to the drumming and chanting of the women, we all piled into cars and mini-vans. My van contained the sisters and cousins, with the drums and was quite the party-wagon. We careened through the narrow streets with the entourage blaring their horns in celebration – we were taking the gifts to the bride’s house.
At the bride’s house, she had a plush tent sent up in her courtyard, full of her friends/family. We nibbled on almond cookies & sipped almond milk & green tea. The gifts were displayed in the middle, and after an hour the bride entered the tent to ululations. She wore the traditional large white draping cloth, which draped down to cover her face. She was preceded by a women holding a mirror facing the bride. They slowly circled the gifts several times. Finally, she sat, and felt the gifts. She tossed some herbs over her shoulder, and ate something. I never did see her face that night. After many hours, we resumed our cars and traveled back, amid much celebrating. Jared and I found each other and made our exit home.
[Embarrassing!: Night #1 I struggled to walk through the sand in my high-healed shoes. However, arriving at the house, we all took off our shoes and left them in a great pile while we walked barefoot on the carpeted tent floor. Wising up, Night #2 I wore my more comfortable and less-dressy work shoes. However, when I began to remove my shoes, they told me to leave them on for this evening. *Groan,* scuffed, brown, flat shoes did not go with my formal dress! I tried my best to hide them, and chose to ditch them at my chair most of the evening. I did the same at the bride’s tent, but when I was beckoned up to the front row, I forgot to take them with me. Ever-kind women passed them to me through the crowd – giving them all a chance to see and touch those ugly, brown shoes!]
Day #3
I arrived at 10pm, knowing that is the usual time for the real festivities to begin. However, it didn't occur to me that 10pm is when the bride enters her women’s party, when they eat the cake, and then have dinner followed by more dancing. I didn't realize we were waiting for that bridal party to finish! So, we sat, and sat, and sat. At two AM excited girls piled into the van with drums to go get the bride. After a bit, we heard the noise of their return and all the women hurried to cover themselves. The bottom ropes of the tent were cut and a Hyundai sedan came right into the tent! Inside, there was the bride and the groom. He escorted her up to the front, where an elaborate bridal love seat had prime position in front of a tiered wedding cake, and flutes of orange nectar. They sat for a long while. Some of us took pictures with the couple – I was invited as a display of tokenism – the token [white] foreigner! Then they fed each other cake and juice, in the best of ‘western’ wedding tradition. There seemed to be great importance on everyone eating cake – and none could be left over. I rolled home about 3:30am, with a plate of cake for Jared. Teaching the next day was a bit of a struggle...
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