A Groom Wedding

I attended my first groom-sponsored wedding. It was quite a different experience than being with brides' families. I participated in three days of the event:

Day #1
I went in the afternoon and ate lunch with the old women of the family, each of whom were missing more teeth than they had. This was a powerful grouping of all the aunties and grandmothers. There were two big tents sent up in the street outside, one for the women, and the other for men. Later we sat around the perimeter on wide cushions, eating snacks, dancing in the middle, and just being together. I helped to apply tuna to the mini-pizzas the family bought to serve.

Day #2
I missed the large-scale feast because I was teaching. The night before I noticed laundry baskets full of soaking chickpeas for humus, bushels of potatoes, and cases of cokes. That night I attended another evening party. This time a display of gifts from the groom’s family to the bride took center stage in the tent. I was asked to photograph the display since I had a digital camera.

After waiting for three hours, listing to the drumming and chanting of the women, we all piled into cars and mini-vans. My van contained the sisters and cousins, with the drums and was quite the party-wagon. We careened through the narrow streets with the entourage blaring their horns in celebration – we were taking the gifts to the bride’s house.

At the bride’s house, she had a plush tent sent up in her courtyard, full of her friends/family. We nibbled on almond cookies & sipped almond milk & green tea. The gifts were displayed in the middle, and after an hour the bride entered the tent to ululations. She wore the traditional large white draping cloth, which draped down to cover her face. She was preceded by a women holding a mirror facing the bride. They slowly circled the gifts several times. Finally, she sat, and felt the gifts. She tossed some herbs over her shoulder, and ate something. I never did see her face that night. After many hours, we resumed our cars and traveled back, amid much celebrating. Jared and I found each other and made our exit home.

[Embarrassing!: Night #1 I struggled to walk through the sand in my high-healed shoes. However, arriving at the house, we all took off our shoes and left them in a great pile while we walked barefoot on the carpeted tent floor. Wising up, Night #2 I wore my more comfortable and less-dressy work shoes. However, when I began to remove my shoes, they told me to leave them on for this evening. *Groan,* scuffed, brown, flat shoes did not go with my formal dress! I tried my best to hide them, and chose to ditch them at my chair most of the evening. I did the same at the bride’s tent, but when I was beckoned up to the front row, I forgot to take them with me. Ever-kind women passed them to me through the crowd – giving them all a chance to see and touch those ugly, brown shoes!]

Day #3
I arrived at 10pm, knowing that is the usual time for the real festivities to begin. However, it didn't occur to me that 10pm is when the bride enters her women’s party, when they eat the cake, and then have dinner followed by more dancing. I didn't realize we were waiting for that bridal party to finish! So, we sat, and sat, and sat. At two AM excited girls piled into the van with drums to go get the bride. After a bit, we heard the noise of their return and all the women hurried to cover themselves. The bottom ropes of the tent were cut and a Hyundai sedan came right into the tent! Inside, there was the bride and the groom. He escorted her up to the front, where an elaborate bridal love seat had prime position in front of a tiered wedding cake, and flutes of orange nectar. They sat for a long while. Some of us took pictures with the couple – I was invited as a display of tokenism – the token [white] foreigner! Then they fed each other cake and juice, in the best of ‘western’ wedding tradition. There seemed to be great importance on everyone eating cake – and none could be left over. I rolled home about 3:30am, with a plate of cake for Jared. Teaching the next day was a bit of a struggle...

The Other Side of Life

Many expats complain of the lack of social life here. True, there are no movie theaters, no malls or department stores, few restaurants, and little opportunity for sports. We usually enjoy hanging out with friends, learning to cook and speak, and eating. Jared cruises around town with the guys, visiting coffee shops and finding restaurants where musicians perform (the way to hear live music here). Shopping for food and clothes is also an outing for us, and at home we enjoy talking, reading, or playing Boggle.

This is our bread and butter, low key entertainment. However, we have kept surprisingly nimble in our "formal" social engagements - we sporadically break into the diplomatic circles. With such a small pond of expats, we get invites from friends, and it helps that Jared is the music teacher since most events are musical ones.

*FEBRUARY: To the national museum's theater to hear a Canadian classical guitarist, sponsored by the Canadian Embassy

*MARCH:

• To the South African Residence (where the ambassador lives) to celebrate their national day - complete with all foods/beverages imported from South Africa, including some kind of worm delicacy!
• To the Indonesian Embassy for their cultural fair.
  
  
  
  

  Jared examining traditional instruments -
  perfect for his classes on Asian music.

*JUNE:

• To the British Residence to hear a classical pianist and vocalist perform.
• To hear the Germany Embassy-sponsored Jazz Ensemble, from Germany of course.
• To a gathering of the British and Commonwealth Women's Group at the Indonesian Residence for a presentation on the many uses of the Indonesian wrap, involving demonstrations and fashion shows on how to tie them (think of a typical British WI - Women's Institute - meeting, here).
• To our city's theater to hear a famous Bossa Nova group from Brazil (Jared teaches two Brazilian kids, whose father is a diplomat).

*AUGUST

• To dinner with the Anglican Bishop for our region
• To the French Consulate to hear traditional music by a Sufi Ensemble

[Isn't it ironic that we weren't invited to our own two nations' national celebrations?! The Queen's Birthday and the Fourth of July are two of the biggest events on the expat calendar here.]

Mostly, we enjoy these events for the good music, and also the free food. You might guess we're out of our league since we often 'network' with our students whose parents are the big wigs; and since we don't have our personal driver drop us off and pick us up - we walk to the street and hail a taxi. Still, it makes for a nice change of pace, and in a place where it's all about who you know, it definitely helps to have some friends in high places.

[Incidentally, since we celebrate everything, we did pull off our own Fourth of July complete with camel burgers, corn (canned; cobbed corn is more for animal feed and isn't sweet, so we found), ice cream and watermelon.]

Babies R’Us

One of my best friends at school had a baby shower – for her newborn sister! Yes, families are very large here, and it’s not abnormal for women to bear upwards of 10 children (usually they’re the older generation, though).

Of course, I went to the big party for the new baby. It was much the same as a wedding party. The venue was a little smaller, but the stage area had the ornate ‘couch’ of honor, flanked by life sized teddy bears and helium balloons – all in pink since the baby is a girl.

The guests all sat at the tables, sipping on the celebratory almond milk and cookies waiting for the family to make the grand entrance. And it was a grand entrance!...the DJ put on some fast paced music and the baby was wheeled down the center isle in a white bassinet, accompanied by the female relatives – all wearing conical pink Barbie Doll party hats. They stopped the bassinet halfway into the crowd of tables so that the women could dance for the baby! A few women at a time came up and shook their stuff in front of the bassinet for her to enjoy! Eventually the baby was taken up the stage and we proceeded to have the full meal – and lots of dancing.

My polite refusals to dance were to no avail – in my honor the DJ put on an ‘English’ song so that I could dance – how thoughtful! Fortunately, my friend and some other girls at our table joined in. When I say dancing, I don’t mean a general dance floor environment. I mean that one or two women showcase their moves at a time in the center of the room. They often tie a sash around their rear to accentuate their skills at moving it. The rest of the guests watch and some clap in time for them. So, there’s no way to be an inconspicuous dancer. Furthermore, as the only foreigner from Europe/The Americas (my friend said I wasn’t the only foreigner since there were was an Egyptian present!), all eyes were on me any time I made a move the whole night – including trips to the bathroom.

I took pictures of the party favors we were given - each of which held chocolates, cookies or baklava.

Lunch Bunch

A coworker invited me over for lunch at her house. She picked me up at 12pm, but only lives about 5 minutes drive away. We first went for a tour around town, and she showed me her favorite shops, gave me a tour of her alma mater, and posed for a picture with me in a photo studio.

We returned home and lounged in the salon. Reception rooms are lined with these foam couches. Guests recline comfortably here [...why do "we" use chairs! I much prefer this style, maybe especailly because my legs are too short for most chairs]. I briefly met the father/husband, who proclaimed I was welcome with his family - making me feel very welcome and happy.

To reenergize us, we were served mango nectar (juice) and chocolate bonbons. Shortly afterward, it was tea-time, involving a portable gas burner to brew the 'red' tea, a tea pot and a metal jug. In the picture you can see me attempting to froth the tea. They do this by pouring the hot tea back and forth between the teapot and the jug, creating foam that they pour into the small glass tas cups. You know you've done it well when you can turn the cup unpside down and no foam comes out of the cup. I failed miserably - but they enjoyed a good laugh and delighted in taking photos of my attempts!

After some time to chat and laugh, lunch was served. From the picture, you can see we had lamb couscous, fried chicken, salad and potato squares.

Through travels, I've learned that endurance is the game: eat long and slow. This way you can continue to eat long enough to satisfy your host, without actually gorging yourself. Here, however, I ran into a new problem. My hostess (the mother) was not only concerned with endurance, but also with speed and power (gusto). I couldn't eat fast enough for her!! If I took a bite of one dish, that meant I was neglecting another! And my co-eaters kept pushing the meat, olives and vegetables over infront of me - so my "pile" never diminshed.

This thoroughly wore me out and my ever-sensitive hostesses ordered me over to the other side of the room to take a nap - providing me with pillow and blanket. I semi-rested, all the while meeting more women who came and went, and watching women dance and gossip together. They do this daily - taking turns to host the group. One very outgoing women insisted I go to see her house. So we made the expedition, and drank juice and ate chocolates. Next time it's her turn to have me and Jared over. Though he'll be in a different room with the man of the house.

...a long, but wonderful day with new friends. I'll be able to visit them as often as I'm able to - which won't be often enough in their minds!

The Language of Music

It never fails. Musicians always find each other, no matter what country or culture they live in! But this is particularly true in this country, where music has not always been honored as something worthy of effort – in fact, for some time music was outlawed. Today musicians support each other and work together to master their instruments.

Within the second week of my teaching, I met a young guitar teacher at our school. He has become a good friend and has literally driven me around the capital dozens of times in the last weeks showing me good places to eat, introducing me to the other musicians, commenting on his country’s history, teaching me some language…and taking me to local festivities.

The country has just observed a very important holiday – the birthday of their prophet. Two musician friends took me out for the day to eat traditional food with the family, listen to recitations of oral histories, and participate in the street music that parades through the oldest part of the city. What an honor! These two video clips are from the street music parades. You will see that the people here are very welcoming…and inclusive! [video coming shortly...I'm having technical difficulties...]

The Stuff Celebrations are Made Of

One of my coworkers came over to show me how to make the traditional celebration food - made primarily after the birth of a baby. It's four, water and sugar boiled into a thick paste. Once it's the right consistency - which requires a lot of effort (see picture), you pour melted butter and honey over the top. It is very sticky, very sweet, and very oily. You pinch it off with your fingers and slurp it down. I chose the butter/honey route, instead of the other alternative: oil and sugar water. Not my favorite local food, but I've also had much worse in other parts of the world.

Sweet Reunion

It’s been 3 weeks since Jared arrived – and we took a hiatus from blogging! Partly we’ve taken every minute to enjoy being together and catch up; and partly we’ve been overrun at school.

By now you know that Jared arrived safe and well. The principal and I met Jared at the airport – he had no problems at all! Unbelievably, his entry was even easier than mine. While they quizzed me on my working status and the name and location of the school, they asked him no questions. While they examined my hand-luggage, Jared sailed through the x-ray line - even though his bag beeped along with everyone else's.

It has been fun to introduce Jared to our new home. On the ride back from the airport we even saw a pickup truck with three camels sitting in the back – probably on the way to the butchers!

The other teachers were almost as happy as me to welcome Jared. There are no substitute teachers here, so the other staff were covering his classes and taking combined classes to cover his schedule. The Year 11’s are weeks away from taking their huge British Exam in music; they have been panicked about this and are finally feeling more settled with Jared’s guidance. One said they’ve learned more from Jared in 2 days than in the past 2 years.

So, over the next days I’ll back-post some experiences from the last month (probably a blogging faux pas, but oh well)…

Rooftop Rendezvous

View from Our Roof

Over the past month I have occasionally been sitting on my balcony when girls on a neighboring rooftop have waved at me. We exchange waves and smiles – and long stares as we wonder about each other. Last week as Jared and I sat out, a number of girls began to wave to me. This time, they shouted, “come!” Sure enough, as we deciphered from their animated gestures, they intended me to come and visit them. Jared escorted me “around the block” since the high walls around all the houses prevented a direct route of a couple hundred feet. As I approached their gate, I heard giggles and it opened. I was shown into the house, up the first flight of stairs, and into the guest salon. I sat on low sofas with women in their 40s, 20s, teens and early years; mothers and daughters. This group morphed over the hour I spent there, as women from the house next-door heard of my visit and came to meet me.

Our language was very limited between their small amounts of English and my very small amount of Arabic. But, we taught each other some new words and they treated me to a couple cups of sweet tea, several biscuits (cookies) and a thorough spraying of perfume.

I texted Jared to come and retrieve me, and excused myself as it was getting to be time to prepare dinner (I had to guess about my cues to leave!). They were quite curious to hear what I would make, and when I said, “couscous” (as I hoped to impress them), they laughed, saying that that is only for lunch (their main meal). Supper should consist of lighter foods, like sandwiches and salads. Oh well.

I was very glad for my first opportunity to visit inside a local home and to meet some neighbors. Here, I can’t just make friends by bumping into women at the local shops or market. Men are the shopkeepers and many men do all the shopping for their families. The women’s world is quite private and protected, so to be invited in was a wonderful event. Most of my friends at school are women who are younger than I am, and unmarried. My new neighbor friends show me a different side to life.

They heartily asked me to come back and visit again. They're curious about my life and seem glad for the entertainment I provide - the novelty of a "strange-r" living next-door! One girl took my phone number, and she affectionately gives me “missed calls” all day (and night!) long.

[“Missed calls” are very common – friends call your cell phone and let it ring once, and then hang up. No one pays for the call and it’s a way to say hello. I get such calls from 7am to 11pm, sometimes 10 times a day!]

2 Weddings and a Faux Pas

Strangely enough, Jared and I went to our first weddings: same night, but two different couples, and two very different experiences.

Jared dressed up in his (fake) Armani suit and went with other male teachers to celebrate the wedding of the local accountant at our school. This was the signing ceremony. It took place in a large hall and involved the fathers and grandfathers of the bride and groom signing marriage documents. Guests sat in the “audience” and watched the ceremony. Afterward, they greeted the groom with well-wished and embraces. Their party-gifts were ornate boxes that contained baklava, and a bead-flower boquet with chocolates inside. This part of the marriage took about one hour, and the guys were back home within two hours!

Catherine dressed up in an evening dress, covered by a long coat for travel to the wedding hall to celebrate the marriage of the daughter of the teacher’s favorite taxi driver.

Just inside the banquet hall, a curtain separated the women’s party from the outside world. Once passing this barrier, fully-covered women disrobed to reveal exquisite and revealing gowns, kilos of gold jewelry, and elaborate makeup. A woman at our table spent over one thousand pounds on her dress during a trip to London; and she had obviously worn it many times. Yet there was a wide range of dresses since those women who have never left the city have more limited options (not to mention more limited incomes).

It was quite stirring to see the homogenizing effects of black robes and veils slip away as the women took off the garments. Their hair is long, dark and thick. Their make up was colorful and thick around their eyes, and the whole face was painted with white foundation to make the skin appear as light as possible. Many of the women were more “white” than I am!

As the bride drew near the hall, a murmur went through the room and in a wave women began to recover themselves with their scarves. This was necessary since the bride was escorted by her brother – the only male allowed to venture into the room (the DJ’s and staff were all female). The brother guided her up to the elaborate wedding chair at the head of the hall, all the while preceeded by dry ice smoke and woodchips painted and scented to replicate rose petals – with an Arabized version of “The Wedding March” playing. She wore a "western-style" wedding dress, with her hair curled up on her head and studded with fake diamonds superglued to her hair for some sparkle. Post haste the brother retreated, and skin and hair reemerged among guests.

After the traditional almond cookies and almond milk drink; and after sweet coffee and cream cake, we ate a dinner of traditional foods – excellent! The bride sat prettily and watched us eat. We were entertained by women who took turns tying their scarves around their hips and posteriors, and shaking them for all they’re worth. Even the six year old cousins know how to move!

Our party-animal troupe of teachers cut out after dinner; it was already 11:30 on a Tuesday night and our staff briefing is at 7:20am each morning. I was disappointed to miss wedding cake and group dancing where many women play drums (so I’ve heard).

And to the faux pas…Before the wedding a well-meaning informant told me to bring my camera and take lots of pictures – as this is totally fine. So, I did take some pictures, only to find out later from the bride’s teenage cousin that pictures were not appropriate at this wedding. This family is very conservative, and taking photos risks men seeing pictures of the women indecently clad. Needless to say, I felt terrible that I breached such a sensitive area of respect and dignity. The first of, no doubt, many mistakes to come (although this can’t even have been my first real mistake, as I probably don’t even yet know what mistakes I’m making, or their seriousness). So, don’t look for any photos from the wedding here!

Onwards and Upwards

After a full day at the embassy, I have received my visa! Words cannot possibly express my joy right now in finishing this process. It's strange that tomorrow morning I will NOT be asking myself if the visa will come...that day...or that week...or the next week. We have been asking those questions daily for months.

As soon as I get settled, I'll post my "Things to do in London" part 2 from my last five weeks here by myself.

Until then, know that we are together again in North Africa, working hard in teaching, enjoying our mint tea and tile floors, and taking pleasure in our new pad.

Arrival for One

While my wife is working and acclimating to a new country, I’m still “stuck” in London. Yes, it is a great city to be stuck in; but I would much rather be experiencing life with my wife right now! However, my papers have been approved and are within days of finalization, which means I'll be departing next week...we're keeping optimistic!

Here are the highlights from her first week (the pictures are from an on-line conversation...yes, she does have high-speed internet!):

1. I'm here! After all the waiting and hoop-jumping, I actually have a job and an apartment, and a new country.
2. I was met at the airport by an Arabic band ensemble, complete with drums, cymbals and their own-styled bagpipes! Well, it wasn't there to meet me, per se - rather someone famous or a long-lost brother coming home. But it was loud and impressive.
3. Our apartment is HUGE! Well, it would be compared to the studio we were in before. We have a lounge with a sofa, loveseat and two easy chairs; a dining room with two tables - one for eating, and one for a desk; a spare bedroom with a twin bed, dresser, wardrobe and bedside table; a bathroom with long bath, shower and washing machine (!), a kitchen with cooker and fridge/freezer; two balconies; and a master bedroom with a king-sized bed - Wooohooo!

4. At our local bakery, I found pita bread daily cooked fresh and hot out of the clay oven!
5. Locally, there is freshly-grown basil, parsley, spinach, eggplant and red oranges (and more!) – all available at the vegetable market at superbly low prices.
6. My classroom is on the third floor of the school building where I get a great view of the town - and lots of natural light.
7. The school has a gym for the staff where I use the elliptical and rowing machines (the treadmill is “temporarily” broken).
8. I'm now stocked up with all the couscous, cumin, garlic, dried chickpeas and tahini that I need for some fabulous eating.
9. The school cafeteria sells freshly squeezed red orange juice…and crepes.
10. I'm glad I brought slippers, fuzzy socks and fleece with me because it's really cold here in the mornings - especially with marble floors.
11. I go to school every day at 7:20 am (ouch!) for staff briefing. Well, not a celebratory highlight - but a definite fact of my day – one that I am still getting used to!